...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
