She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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