Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
