If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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