GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize