We're facebook friends in real life
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.