flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..