Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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