I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.