I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day