I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"