If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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