But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
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the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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