Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
