Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize