I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize