worst night to have a conscience
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
