I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
