Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
