WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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