I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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