I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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