TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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