remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
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This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
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And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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