she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
