During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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