I think scott just propositioned me for sex
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
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I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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