I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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