he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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