I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
