i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
