Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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