I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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