just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You're like the curious george of whores
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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