Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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