remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
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Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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