Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
