i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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