brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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