I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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