This is not my ceiling
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
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So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.