I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.