I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
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if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.