He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize