It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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