Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
