I just pynch a tree in the face
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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