I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
