not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
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It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
being pregnant is like rehab
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
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The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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