Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
