Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize