Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Come on in and take your pants off
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