im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches