I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.