I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
