when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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