We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
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those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies