I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
