I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced