i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning