$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.