stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
