You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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